The Amenohrrea Files: How it all started.

Alright friends, this is going to be a long one. I’m going to split this into a little series of blog posts to not overwhelm anyone. I firstly want to start by expressing the difficulties I faced while deciding whether or not to share this part of my life with you all. As a holistic nutritionist, I pride myself on helping others along their own health and wellness journeys (whether that be balancing hormones, maintaining weight, fighting disease, recovering relationships with food, etc). So it can feel quite hypocritical to admit that I too, suffer from some of these things. At the same time, I think that my story can be a powerful tool in my practice, as others can see first-hand what I have done, and continue to do, to heal my own troubles. So, sit back, grab a snack (or two!), and let’s get the ball rollin’.

I suppose we should start off with the basics. What is Amenohrrea? Amenohrrea occurs when a women misses at least three menstrual cycles. This may not seem like a big deal, and hey, to some may actually seem pretty amazing, but what most do not understand, is the detrimental impact it is having on one’s health. Not only does Amenohrrea cause the loss of your period, but it can cause hair loss, acne, vision problems, headaches, pelvic pain, and even difficultly conceiving children later on in life. Low body weight, hormonal imbalances, excessive exercise, and stress are the most typical causes of the condition.

So.. lets get into my story with Amenohrrea.

Simply put, women are built to conceive children. Our bodies, to function optimally, need extra fat. When we become too low in body fat or aren’t consuming enough food, our bodily functions begin to suffer. Our systems begin to shut down and in lame-man’s terms, the body is only receiving enough energy to just “live”. Our reproductive system kind fo turns off, we stop menstruating, and we aren’t able to conceive. It is your bodies way of telling you “Hey, you aren’t healthy enough, or have enough energy, to have a child.” Imagine what this is doing to our hormones? Our bodies are out of whack, confused, and MAD. And boy, do you feel the symptoms of it being mad..

My particular case, was due to lack of body fat and under-fueling my body. So I was experiencing all of this. I was fatigued and tired CONSTANTLY. I barely had enough energy to get through my day, let alone have any left over for activities I love. I always spent my free time outdoors with my dogs and friends, hiking, snowboarding, surfing, etc. I couldn’t do any of that. My hair started falling out. I couldn’t sleep at night and suffered from insomnia. My digestion was TERRIBLE and I was absorbing nutrients. I was moody and grumpy and didn’t feel like myself. My personality had dissipated and my relationships suffered because of this. I had no libido and didn’t want to be touched. It was AWFUL.

When things got this bad, I had been without a period for almost two years. The first year, the symptoms were almost nonexistent. I wasn’t worried about not having aunt-flow around. It was actually quite nice not having to worry about it. But then, when the symptoms began, I knew I needed to see a doctor. Now, let’s back pedal for a second. In 2016 my boyfriend was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. This caused us to essentially live out of a hospital room for an entire year. I was sleeping on a cot, working two jobs, and going to school. His health was my priority, so my own fell to the back burner. I actually gained weight and weighed the most I had weighed since I was a freshman in high School. I was about 130lbs on my 5’2 frame. This by no means is overweight or unhealthy. But for ME, this was one of the highest weights I had seen. Once he finished chemotherapy treatment, and I dove deeper into my studies, our health became almost an obsession to me. I never wanted to see this cancer return and I never wanted to go through it myself. So, I went a little overboard with our restrictive diets and at this point, developed a spout of orthorexia (We’ll get into this another time). Within a year I had lost almost 30lbs. This may sound great to some, but on a small Frame, this is a LOT of weight to lose. People started commenting and the worries rolled in. I remember weighing myself one morning and I was 97lbs and 14.9% body fat. For some, this may be maintainable (EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT), but for me, this was way too low. I remember thinking “well suzy is my height and my weight and she still has her period?” Well, Suzy’s body may not need what I NEED to function optimally. This was a hard concept for me to grasp.

My doctor put it pretty bluntly to me - You are underweight, under-fueling, and malnourished. To see my period again, I was going to need to gain weight and increase my BMI. I am not going to lie, this terrified me. And I know it is hard to admit, but I’m sure this would terrify most women. Women don’t want to hear they need to gain weight and in this circumstance (and I have learned through working with other women suffering from Amenohrrea) it can seem quite scary. It is almost like your health doesn’t matter, because you finally have that six-pack you’ve always wanted. But let me tell you straight up; I was the leanest, most ripped I had ever been and I was the UNHAPPIEST I had ever been. I know with all of the stories women are sharing these days, you har this often. But with my upmost, god-honest truth, I was MISERABLE and I would scream it from the rooftops that it is just not worth it.

I remember walking to my car, sitting down, and realizing.. I am going to have to heal my relationship with food, my body, and my self, to better my health. It was not going to be as simple as “just eat more”. This is where it was going to have to start. I think that more women than not, suffer with some degree of disordered eating - big and small. This is why I wanted to share this story so much with you all and spread the importance of hormonal balance and our menstrual cycles, as it is so often overlooked as “not a big deal”. I remember having a long talk with my boyfriend and him saying “Dani.. do you want to look back 10 years from now and realize you waisted half of your life worried about your appearance and struggling with food and body image? Life is too damn short”. I am not going to lie.. hearing this from someone who just beat a rare form of cancer made me feel quite shameful. How could I be worried about such minute, irrelevant issues, when I could have it so much worse?

So, the healing process began and it has and will be a long journey. To this day, I still have not received my period (i’ll go on about this more in the next post) and still struggle slightly with gaining weight. But i’m mental stronger now than ever and am willing to suffer my abs for my health, as should everyone suffering with Amenohrrea due to body weight. And quickly, just a last little reminder, one of the biggest issues I see today with girls I work with, is under-fueling. They are so afraid to eat food, to feel fool, or to eat too much of a certain macronutrient. We are made to eat more than 1200 calories. That is literally starving our bodies. And, for some, eating more can even help with fitness plateaus, increase muscle mass, decrease fat, and promote a healthier you all around. Remember, you are more than your body, more than a 6-pack, more than 14% body fat. You are loved because of your personality, your ambitions, and your mind!

In the next post, I’ll discuss what I have been doing, and done, to get my period back. I’ll go over foods i’ve increased, herbs and supplements i’ve began, myths behind it all, and lifestyle changes. Stay tuned and don’t be afraid to reach out if you’re going through something similar and need support! xoxo.