How I Got Out of the Comparison Trap

Ahhhh, the comparison trap. To be quite honest with you guys, as much as I hate to admit it, this is something that affected me for years. I know that this topic is soooo widely discussed on social media, it’s almost trendy, but it is something that I’ve truly had to work hard at overcoming and something that I would love to help others with, because I know how detrimental this can be to our overall well-being.

I touched a little about it on instagram this week, but really wanted to dive deep into how I TRULY stopped myself from comparing every aspect of my life, to those around me.

Now, i’d be lying to say that comparison doesn’t sneak it’s way in every now and then - this is natural and normal. It is always going to happen. But it’s all about those mindset shifts and how you take action when you do realize what you’re doing. I always say, it’s your silly brain not knowing any better and you have to somewhat condition it to think differently. Sure, it takes works (as does everything in life) but it is SO. WORTH. IT.

I think I struggled with this most during my eating disorder and recovery, although it has affected me in every aspect of my life; i’ve compared my artistic abilities to those around me, my athletic abilities, whether it be skateboarding or in the gym, my body, my skills, literally everything.

Comparing ourselves to others, does nothing but hinders our lives. Every second you spend wishing you had someone else’s life, is a second of yours waisted. Kind of scary to thing of it that way, huh? Below i’ve listed out some of the tools and mindset shifts i’ve worked on, to becoming more confident and happy with myself and in turn, ditching the comparison trap.

Body Image.

I think this one is the most common form of comparison and one that most can relate with to some degree. My favorite way to put it - Don’t try to fit your size 5 foot into someone else/s size 9 shoe. It’ll never fit. I could follow Jennifer Anistons diet and workout regime to a T and guess what? I will never look like her. I won’t have her body. Why? Because i’m not Jennifer Aniston. Sounds repetitive right? But its the damn truth!

I know that self-love and learning to love your body, flaws and all, is not easy and takes time and practice. However, getting to that point is VITAL in ditching the comparison trap. Especially when it comes to social media. This is HUGE. If you find yourself comparing your body to others you see on the gram, or even comparing your feed to other accounts, maybe you need to scale back and take a little social media detox until you feel it’s a healthy place for you. I know personally, i’ve deleted my IG account on multiple occasions, to work on this. Now, I don’t mindlessly scroll, I don’t pay attention to numbers, and I don’t focus on others accounts. I appreciate their content and what they share and I move on.

Water your own grass.

Rather than focusing on someone else’s journey, nurture, care for, and create your own. By worrying about what others are doing, you’re wasting time that could be spent investing in yourself. Time is valuable and as I mentioned above, every second spent focusing on someone else is a second wasted that could have been spent reaching towards your own goals or bettering yourself.

Do not compare your downfalls to someones highlight reel.

Everyones journey is different. No matter how much someone may try and make it seem like they are not going through it to some degree, is simply only showing the “highlights” or the “good stuff”. You cannot compare your real life to someone else’s highlight reel - because i promise you, they have their moments too.

May sound too simple and good to be true, but talk yourself through it. Remind yourself that it’s silly to compare your body, career, etc., to others. It’s almost like your brain just doesn’t know any better. Give yourself a little pep-talk. Remind yourself, while you’re looking at cheery old Sarah on the beach in Bali, that she probably has things going on in her personal life too, that she isn’t willing to showcase.

Stop highlighting others achievements and discounting your own, BUT don’t knock others down to bring yourself up.

Sure, when you’re surrounded by other talented, successful people, it’s hard not to compare yourself. Maybe someone achieved something you’ve been working on/towards. That doesn’t mean you won’t. Your time will come. We all have our time to shine. At the end of the day, truly sit with yourself and write down some “wins” even if they are the tiniest ones. Focus on your strengths.

Ready for a mindset shift that truly worked for me? Turning comparison into inspiration. You’re so focused on someones success, but are you thinking about all of the background work that it took for them to get there? You don’t see the endless hours they put into reaching their goals, the hardships they probably encountered, etc. Let seeing their success be inspiration that you, too, can reach your goals.

I won’t try and say that I haven’t compared my IG account to others. Of course I have, because again, it’s natural to do so. But I don’t focus on it, I don’t let it get me down. Do you have favorite accounts or bloggers that you love? That when you see their content, it makes you feel good? Strive to be like them. Use that as inspiration. Know that you, too, can get there!

Count your blessings & be OK with imperfections.

I am so, darn, hard on myself, but to a debilitating degree. In every area of my life, i compete with myself. Oh, you ran four miles Dani? You can do three more. It never seems to end. Learning to be CONTENT and OK with not being perfect, was extremely hard for me but honestly, life changing. Once I began solely focusing on the journey and striving to just be my best (to whatever degree that meant) I was SO much happier. There will always be someone who’s richer, smarter, and more attractive than you. “Free yourself by embracing the fact that you’re perfectly imperfect.”

Okay, i’m going to quote Oprah here, but for good reason! She said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” This totally helped me shift my mindset. Whenever you focus on what other people have that you don’t, you give away your power. 

Compare yourself with YOU.

Now, let’s not get carried away - don’t be too competitive with yourself. But, rather than comparing yourself, life, or accomplishments with someone else, compare them to yourself; What can you do to improve whatever area in your life that needs improvement? How can you be more kind? How can you work on self-love?

REMEMBER: NO ONE HAS YOUR STORY.

Tell your story, don’t try and fit in some box to please or fit others standards. Focus on what sets you apart. Remind yourself why you wouldn’t want to just be like everybody else. Why it’s important and refreshing to be YOU. How boring would it be to walk past the same person on the street, over and over and over again?

I hope that these mindset shifts will help you, if you find yourself struggling in the comparison trap. We all deserve to shine, there is room for all of us, and we are all soooo unique. That is what makes being human so special. No snowflake is the same. No person is the same. Embrace that!

Xo.